


Let me in your heart again

by Ready82



Category: Freddie Mercury - Fandom, Queen (Band)
Genre: #borap, #firstfic, #freddiemercury, #love, #music, #queen, #relationchip, #rock, #rockband, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-06-03 08:58:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19460683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ready82/pseuds/Ready82
Summary: „So you're the one to trample on my privacy from now on, like any greedy paparazzi, reporter and journalist out there?" An obviously disgusted Freddie Mercury addresses me in a harsh tone.I suppose that means FREDDIE MERCURY HATES ME!How this came about? I'll tell you.





	1. Foreword

**Hello Freddie lovers.**

**I'm about to post my first own Freddie fanfic here. Please keep some things in mind: English is not my native language, so there may be some errors regarding grammar, language, phrasing, etc., so please be gentle. ☺️ I really try to improve through this, so I'm thankful for any constructive criticism and help. Further I own nothing of Queen and Freddie Mercury. This is just a fan writing a fanfic. Also time frames, dates and so on, wont be accurate as I wanted the story to take place at present. Please always remember, this is just fiction and has nothing to do with the real life characters. I will put warnings before the chapters which contain mature content.**

**I hope you enjoy. 😘**


	2. Prologue

_**Vivian** _

**London / England**

„I'm sorry. I can't do this. Please forgive me."

These are the words that tore my heart apart.

Words I couldn't conceive.

Words I never thought I would ever read.

Words coming from HIM.

HE.

My one big love? The biggest love?

You may find the answer in the following lines.

Lines that will tell our story.


	3. He hates me

**_Vivian_ **

**Munich / Germany - Musicland Studios**

I nervously pluck my blouse, sitting in the sparing lobby of Munich's „Musicland Studios", as I wait for the first "meeting" with my future „boss", no less than QUEEN.

You've read correctly. QUEEN! I can't get my head around it yet.

The band was searching for a photographer, to document the tour life and studio work of their upcoming "works" album and their following world - tour, which would later lead them - or should I say US - from Europe, over Asia, Australia to America and Africa.

I was one of the lucky ones, the band and management put on the shortlist in late October, last year. A view weeks later, I was informed that it was me, who would attend the band for the next two years.

_Two years_ , I think to myself, wrinkling my brows in disbelief.

At this moment I don't know if I am incredible lucky or should be scared.

I still desperately try to smooth out the wrinkles on my pastel - yellow blouse, as I nervously scan the room. Leaning back in an uncomfortable armchair, I inhale deep as I gaze over my chosen outfit.

Earlier today I was frustrated standing in front of my closet, throwing around varying outfits, unable to decide what to wear for my meeting with the band.

_What would one wear when meeting Queen?_

I racked my brain this morning, that would change my whole life.

Needles to say I didn't come to an answer.

After one hour of putting on nearly all content of my wardrobe, I decided to go for casual and simple. I really didn't want to look like an applicant for a secretary job.

I wear that pastel yellow sleeveless blouse I already mentioned 2 times (you have to excuse, I'm extremely nervous), paired with light blue skinny jeans and simple pumps. My wavy hazelnut brown hair is put into aponytail on this hot July summer day.

Fiddling with the strap of my bag, I hear a door open and dull music echoing in the hallways of the oppressive building.

It is QUEEN, I recognize immediately, forming a smile on my lips.

The music reaches my ears as I am leaning myself forward, trying to get closer to the source of sound.

There it is, the mesmerizing voice of the one and only Freddie Mercury, bringing on goosebumps all over my body. I cling to the armrest, on the chair I am sitting in, as the door closes and the sound fades all to fast.

As you can imagine, this last event didn't lessen my massive nervousness.

You now may've recognized for whom of the four bandmates my heart beats.

In certain circumstances this may change within the next hour. But it don't want to anticipate things.

„Miss Kurzmann" a monotone voice behind a to high counter tears me from my thoughts. „Mr Beach will arrive in about 15 minutes. Can I offer you some tee, coffee or water in the meantime?"

„Just water, thank you" I respond barely audible, biting on my lip. I couldn't handle more at the current stage of my tense mood.

15 minutes. Great. 15 minutes unsuccessfully trying to cool down my nerves, to later make a "smooth" impression.

"Here you go, Ms", I hear the monotone voice again, coming closer, handing me my water.

She's a quiet conservative dressed, middle aged woman, wearing her grey curly hair in a shoulder-length bob. The kind of person, you wouldn't expect to work in a studio, with an endless coming and going of superstars.

Otherwise today its me, sitting in that exact same front hall.

I am by all means far from being conservative, but at the same time, even more far from being some"rockstar material".

The reserved type, always taking a backseat and avoiding the spotlight like wolves the fire.

Ok, I have to confess "reserved" is an understatement. I'm hopelessly shy, especially when it comes to situations like today. Not that I would experience something like this every day.

The only possible outcome for today is disaster.

"Ok, time to relax Viv, you already have the bloody job. Get a grip!!" I quietly whisper, trying to convince myself for the remaining time sitting there.

"Still 11 minutes to go" I mumble, as I look at my watch with trembling hands.

"Your first time?" A voice from the other end of the room brings me back to reality.

"Please excuse me, is it your first time working for a band like Queen?" She quickly continuous.

All I can manage as response, is putting on a tortured smile while nodding almost invisible.

"Don't worry Ms, the band is absolutely thrilled by your photographs and barely can await to finally meet you. And by the way, they won't give you a hard time. They're all relaxed, down to earth guys.

_Relaxed,.... so the complete opposite of me_ , it crosses my mind, as I stare at my watch again.

"9 minutes" I whisper, while watching visitors entering the building.

I hesitantly sip on my water, to not look to helpless and lost and to somehow BRIDGE the DAMN REMAINING 9 MINUTES. Please excuse my little emotional outburst.

_Ok Viv...._

Oh, crap! Now I realize, I haven't introduced myself to you.

I'll cut it short.

I'm Vivian Kurzmann, 33 years old/young (it's up to you to decide), born and raised in Germany, living in London, in the middle of a divorce, freelance photographer with passion and right now on a kamikaze mission.

"Ok Viv. Think about ways to relax!" I tell myself a tad to loud.

"Excuse me? You need something Ms?" It echoes in the room.

"Oh, I'm ...I was just reading something". To cover up my little white lie, I grab the first magazine I can find, from a massive steel table, right in front of me.

Under extreme tension, I flip through the magazine, without even realizing what I'm looking at.

_Maybe I find an article about reducing stress in here?_

_Come on Viv, figure something out._ I try to remember while laying back the unhelpful piece of paper.

"Autogenic training!" I mumble. _Wrong time wrong place._ Don't be ridiculous.

"Smoking?" Yes, I smoke now and than, an awful habit, I know. I decide to quit smoking for today, not wanting to risk to smell like a bilgy ashtray.

"Meditation, Yoga, ...." Google shows me some options on my phone, which I grabbed earlier to soothe my trembling hands.

"Very helpful fuc*** World Wide Web. I cannot possibly roll out my yoga mat in here and do the downward dog." I mutter and shut google down.

Taking a quick look on my phone, I realize: 4 more minutes to go.

_Breath Viv, you can do this!!!!!_ I remind myself over and over again in my mind, that goes absolutely crazy at the very moment.

"Ms Kurzmann, Mr Beach has arrived and will be here in a minute." the nice woman informs me.

Nodding confirmative I gasp a simple "thank you."

Time stretches like chewing gum, as I finally hear a male voice approaching me. "Ms Kurzmann, I welcome you to the "Musicland Studios". I'm delighted to finally meet you in person. I'm already a big fan and admirer of your work." a brightly smiling, effusive gesticulating man surprises me, holding out his hand to me.

"Oh excuse me Ms. My name is Jim Beach."

"Kurzmann, the pleasure's all mine." I babble, while standing up way to fast, almost bumping into him.

_Where's the exit? Last chance to do a runner._ I helplessly look around. I must look like turkeys voting for christmas, at least I feel this way.

Mr. Beach wastes no time, taking me along the gloomy corridors towards the studio where the band is recording. "I will introduce you to the band to get to know each other and have a quick talk. Let me tell you, you really made an impression." He winks at me walking besides me. "May I ask you to take you to my office afterwards. I would like to discuss the business side and do the paperwork?"

As I stammer a convincing "sure", we reach the door of our destination, noticing, considering the amount of noise and swearing, a heated discussion reaches its peak.

Mr beach opens the door, rolling his eyes while he whispers at me "please excuse this....rockstars at work."

I can't bite back a chuckle, as the door swings open.

"Guys I want to introduce you to Ms Kurzmann." He shouts.

For a split of a second I want to curl up and die.

Much to my reassurance, the band don't even recognize the two intruders and continue their argument.

The man at my side now starts to get uneasy and tenses up, as he screams again. "DAMN GUYS!!!!"

I quickly notice the heat growing in my cheeks, as all eyes lay on us. No, on ME.

_Viv, damn, now of all times. Think about ....ice....no, Antarctica, .....uh. FU**_

I can only let my gaze wander for a view seconds and take in the room, as a sympathetically grinning young man, with blonde tousled hair and sunglasses - I guess the sun always shines for him, even in a pitch black cellar - room. - sprints towards me, with joyfulness and flings his arms around my neck. "Hi sweetie. Vivian, right? I'm Roger. Roger Taylor, the drummer of the pack." He sputters, as he steps back again, while turning to face the band and rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Taylor." I smile at him bashfully.

"I'll call you Viv...can I call you Viv?" I'm just Roger." He grins, with the brightest smile he can pull of.

"Alright, just Roger ." I joke, unable to suppress a giggle.

"Brian, come over!" He shouts to a large, lean man with a giant mane of brown curly hair.

The shaggy man puts down his guitar, leaning it against the wall and strolls towards me, kindly smiling, reaching out his hand for me. "Ms Kurzmann, it's a pleasure. I'm Brian May."

I like him already. He has this strongly soothing impact. At this moment....priceless.

"Vivian Kurzmann, my pleasure." I reply affectionately.

_Viv, you're almost done, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale..._ it wheels in my head.

Suddenly a shyly smiling man with guitar, is standing in front of me and introduces himself as John Deacon, the bassist of the group. "Miss Kurzmann, welcome to chaos." He jokes.

"I'm very pleased to meet you Mr Deacon." I give him a handshake, a bit to long as I try to interpret his restrained smile.

_I think I like John Deacon, he's just like me._ Exaggerated shy and reserved. My clone.

I neglect the fact that this man is a music genius!

"FREDDIE, what the hell takes you this long?Take your ass over here!!! I hear the blonde yell behind the mixing console, interrupting my thoughts.

_Ok. The time has come. Breeeeath! Don't get hysterical._ I internally scream. There's still some hope, this will work out right.

After a while, what seemed like eternity, no less than Freddie Mercury in flash and bone, appears in the room.

Like a tiger on prowl, he paces at me with slow, cautious moves, his lips formed into a devilish grin.

I can swear everything happens in slow motion.

I can feel his eyes - oh yes, his eyes, his beautiful big brown oceans, framed by those incredible long lashes, I could sink into right now - examine every inch of my trembling body as he spits out words, that break down my idyllic world.

"So you're the one to trample on my privacy from now on, like any greedy paparazzi, reporter and journalist out there?" He hisses while hesitating to reach his hand out to me.

_I suppose that means FREDDIE MERCURY HATES ME??!!_

As he construes my slack jawed and shocked expression, he continues in a dismissive tone.

"I think you know who I am, but what's your name again?

Pulling my hand away that won't receive a handshake from Freddie Mercury today, I stutter "Kurz.....Vi Vivian Kurzmann."

"Kurz Vivian Kurzmann?" he apes me, grinning cheekily, waiting for me to break down.

"This will be fun." He laughs, while shaking his head and stepping back.

_STOP! Can we go back please? That's not how I fantasized this!_

The thoughts in my head ride a rollercoaster when my stomach cramps at the last spoken words, still echoing in my head.

Everything feels unreal, as I stand there, watching everything in a haze.

Before I can realize what happens, he continues with a disdainfully look on his face.

"To get it straight. I'm not thrilled by the fact someone is chasing me day after day, to document every fucking move I make. I really appreciate my privacy and want you to respect this. No photos beyond the studio and the venues. Got it?"

_This will be the most horrible two years of world history. Freddie Mercury hates me_.

As he turns round and starts to stroll away and I almost pass out, I begin to stammer

"Mr Mercury I assure that your privacy and the privacy of everybody involved is crucial to me and I..."

„I find this a little hard to believe, considering you do the same like any fucking journalist. Dig around in others life's and take what you can get." he spits at me and turns his back on me.

Bracing up one last time, I start to answer him, as I hear John entering the conversation

"Freddie, calm down. Don't give that pure girl such a hard time."

Freddie disdainfully gazes at me one last time, before he enters the side room.

I can feel a hand on my shoulder, as I come back to reality. „He has his moods. Don't worry, in a view days he will be fine with it and won't cause any trouble." John is trying to calm me.

All I can manage is to nod like an idiot, still standing there, paralyzed from shock.

As I let my eyes wander around the room, Mr Beach stands behind me. He must have left the studio for our short encounter and came back at this disastrous moment.

„Ms Kurzmann, may I walk you out" he asks me politely. „I love to." I answer quickly, in a relieved voice. I just want get out of here. Somewhere far away from the predator, that just rent me.

John, Brian and Roger farewell me, cheering me up by telling me how they're looking forward, working with me.

„Don't worry about our little diva, Viv. He will calm down." Roger nudges me from the side.

„You'll see, he's not that bad." Brian encourages me calmly.

„Unless his shadow follows him." a joking Roger lets out.

„Shadow?" I can manage to ask, confusion washing over my now chalk white face.

„PAUL" they all shout, rolling their eyes in unison, before bursting out laughing.

As I want to dig deeper, Mr Beach interrupts us. „Ms Kurzmann..?" Turning towards him I notice,, he already stands besides the open door, waiting for me to follow him.

I turn to face the boys again. "See you in a view." I wink towards them, as I leave the room.

Disappointed, I couldn't take a closer look to the studio and the band working, I make my way out, following Mr. Beach.

_A nice bunch of men,_ I think to myself, as we walk down the barren corridor, _were it not for my new nemesis._

As I told you. Disaster.


	4. California calling

_ **Vivian** _

**Munich / Germany - Vivian's Hotel room**

_It's a shame you have to spend the whole day in a boring plane._ I let my eyes wander out of the window, taking in the breathtaking bright blue morning sky, one last time.

It was a nice breathy summer day and I was standing in my hotel room in Munich,had grabbed my packed bags and was ready to go for our "two - year - adventure".

It took me some days to realize, what happened and that I would spend the next years with one of the biggest rock bands in history. Me, little clumsy, timid Vivian.

Unfortunately it didn't take me that long, to realize, my hero, the man himself, Mr Freddie Mercury, literally HATES ME.

Yes he hates me, for sure.

And I have to admit, I shad a view tears, as my fantasizing about what could have been, between the two of us, went overboard and got the best of me.

NO, you can't just really believe that. Of course I didn't cry!! I'm on a MISSION now....giving him the hardest time ever!!!!

I may be a tad to upbeat here. I'm afraid things will evolve in another direction. 

* * * *

**Munich / Germany - Airport**

I took a taxi, earlier today, to get all my bags full of camera equipment and belongings to the airport. Two suitcases for all of my cameras, lenses and all the other stuff, that comes along with being a photographer, plus two, for all my clothes and personal stuff. I'm hopeless when it comes to packing, so I always end up with way to much to carry around.

Finally there, we had some hours to spare and I was killing time, strolling around the multiple shops with my new „friend" Roger Taylor, incessantly asking me about my life and flirting like a manic.

He really can be annoyingly persistent.

I ended up telling him I'm married, having high hopes he would draw his attention to somebody else. Big mistake, I tell you. It encouraged him even more. I finally found some alone time, which was much needed, cause for whatever reason, I didn't feel very sociable today, as Brian and John forcefully tug him away from me, to discuss "something" with the band.

Looking after them, strolling away and making their way to the other end of the hall, I rummage around my bag, to put out my cellphone and headphones and make myself comfortable, while waiting for boarding to begin. I have to smile, as I hear the first tones of „under pressure" resounding in my ear. „How fitting" I giggle, while laying back my head, with closed eyes and sealing myself off from the outside world.

„Boarding for business class passengers will begin in 5 minutes", I hear a tinny voice informing the waiting crowd, as I still lay back in my seat, waiting to head to sunny California. My head is killing me at the moment, many sleepless nights and pervasive anxiety attack's, for the last view days, didn't make it better. And to make matters worse, there's no chance, not even a spark of relaxation, for the next two years. Even less, when you have to deal with a hate - filled Rock God.

Convinced to fly economy today, as Mr. Beach had acknowledged me, a view days ago, I look at my ticket for the first time, since I received it, recognizing, much to my surprise and liking, I am booked for business class.

„Let's go" I mutter noiseless „Let the hell ride begin",putting my way to heavy bag over my shoulder and enthusiastically bouncing up. This new circumstances really lighten up my gloomy mood.

As I make my way to the end of the line of waiting people, I can see Freddie hectically gesturing in my direction and scoffing something to Paul, while shaking his head contemptible, to then shoot me a death glare.

Paul Prenter to be precise. He's one of Freddie's PA's and the both of them are literally inseparable. Sticking together like Siamese twins the whole time. Somehow I feel sorry for Freddie, spending his time with a sneaky, calculating, little rat, always controlling his every move and telling him what to do. I may be prepossessed against Paul, but that's the impression I got so far. Earlier today, Roger did his best, to convince me of Peters malice. And one look at him is enough to know, Roger is right.

Besides that, I already was able to see for myself, when I was invited to the studio again and we all went out for dinner, a view days ago.The day was packed with teasing, despicable glances and subtle insults coming from Paul. After I was invited, I hoped for a more ‚friendly' meeting with Freddie, but he unfortunately took Paul as an example and did his best to make life hard for me.

_Someone is not too happy with the fact I will join them business class,_ I tell myself, as I look at Freddie. I put on a big satisfied smile and look in his direction, while nodding brazenly. His expression changes to pure fury, you literally can see smoke whooshing out of his ears, before he relaxes his hands, which were painfully clenched into fists, showing every vein on his skin, and grabs his bag to quickly walk towards me, with narrowed lips and madness in his eyes. For a second I'm pretty sure he will stab me right there.

I shirk from his look, as a subtle hint of timidity overcomes me and make my way to the counter, as I realize, I'm next in line. A woman behind it checks my passport and ticket with a bored expressing, putting on a exaggerated smile, while handing me my documents back.

„Have a nice and enjoyable flight Ms", I hear her fading voice, already making my way to the plane, through the boarding bridge.

„Your seat Ms Kurzmann", I be led to my place, by a warmly smiling flight attendant. „If you need something, just let me know. Enjoy your flight."

Stowing away my luggage and seating myself, I take in the surroundings. _This will be my best flight ever,_ I smile in satisfaction.

It will not! You'll see.

„Ms Kurzmann?", a friendly man, with a nice British accent appears besides me, seating himself, reaching out his hand to me.

„Yes, Vivian Kurzmann?!" I say half asking, looking astonished, and puzzled at him, as I hesitantly reach out my hand to greet him. I have to stand up to do so. Social interaction is not that easy, when flying business class.

„So You're the photographer the band is all exited about?" he babbles out, putting on a toothy grin, one that indeed shows all of his teeth. He has a really warm and friendly smile, one that immediately makes you feel happy.

„Oh excuse me. How rude of me. I'm Peter Freestone, or Phoebe for almost everybody." he introduces himself, while still giving me a firm handshake.

„Oh, I'm pretty sure not ‚everybody' is pleased with this arrangement." I mumble suggestively, looking at my hands, with Freddie, my new BFF, in mind.

„Phoebe?" I wonder, as we end our handshake. As I realize the word left my mouth, I slowly shake my head, fixing his eyes again and continue „isn't that a woman's name?"

„I suppose it's Freddie you're talking about? Oh I assume you caught him in one of his „good moods" he quips. Realizing my perplexed expression, he continues

„I should explain that. I'm Freddie's PA and he gives all of his close friends new names. Female ones for male and vice versa. Mine is Phoebe." he blinks at me.

„Well then, nice to meet you sir." I respond politely.

„Please call me Phoebe." he requests, as he still tries to make himself comfortable, searching for something in his bag.

„Gladly. I'm Viv." I tell him, leaning back in my seat, letting out a pleased sigh and marveling at what my seat and his surroundings have to offer.

Phoebe starts giggling and mutters:

„I don't think so..."

I turn my attention back towards him with a baffled mien. I already know this flight will be an ‚interesting' one.

„And whats that suppose to mean?" I begin to dig deeper, looking at him, my eyes widening in curiosity.

„Freddie already has chosen your new name." his lips turn into a fiendish smile, as he glances up from his bag and puts out a more then worn out book.

„No way. He literally hates me. I really wouldn't call me a friend of him. Not even close. We're more like Kain and Abel, David and Goliath or Napoleon and Kutuzov. You'll see when we arrive in LA." I put him off.

Phoebe lets out a loud lough „I'm telling you. YOU already have your name set." he assures me, nodding confirmingly.

„Enlighten me please." I request him, feeling curiosity grow in me.

„Brody." he shrugs , without any expression on his face.

„Brody? He couldn't come up with something better?" I ask blankly, still wondering how he came up with this name especially with such a boring one.

„You may ask him yourself." a broadly grinning Phoebe encourages me.

A queasy feeling spreads out, as is realize, I have to handle him for the next two years. And looking back on our two ‚dates', this won't be peaceful two years.

Unfortunately, my naive dream of a happy cure world unexpectedly came to an end last week, on this history - charged Friday and bursted like a soap bubble.

I shake my head in refuse at his words „I don't want to be eaten alive."

„This will be interesting two years." he winks amused.

In a steadily, serious voice I say „Don't get to exited. I may be dead and gone by the end of this day." Letting my head fall on my shoulder and my tongue hanging out of my mouth.

„The boys were right, you are adorable." he snickers.

Immediately turning red on his last remark, I coyly look into my lap.

„Young lady, I have to leave you for a short while. I'll be right back." Phoebe breaks the short silence, standing up from his seat and turning his back to me.

„I'll do my best to keep the evil away and stay alive. See you later." I exclaim, forming a cheeky smile.

As Phoebe strolls away, I grab my phone to ask google about my new dubious name.

‚Dirt' and ‚mud' I read speechless, with widened eyes after some minutes of research.

Staring at my phone with rising rage, I loudly blurt out „THAT SON OF A BITCH.", as Freddie and his partner in crime arrive at their seats. Both looking at me with a mixture of astonishment and aversion.

_Freddie?.....here? In business class?_ The fact he's not flying first class today, for whatever reason, explains the tense atmosphere, now laying over the cabin like a big black cloud.

„Speaking of the devil" I address Freddie, playfully smiling, nodding teasingly at him again.

Something tells me, he wouldn't have expected me to speak to him like this, as his expression changes to a soft puzzled look and every muscle in his face relaxes. Still staring at me and looking me straight in the eyes, I move up my hand to wave at him, shooting him a challenging look. He looks down quickly, as phoebe comes back and passes by. With a long loud sigh Freddie falls into his seat, chatting and snickering with Paul.

_Two can play this game Mr Mercury._ I move to face my phone again, while shaking my head, still smiling over my little triumph. _If he thinks he can intimidate me, than he's on the wrong track._

I really don't know what's coming over me today. It's not my typical introvert behavior, that usually would cause me to turn red like a tomato and go on the run. But I might get used to it.

„Im glad you survived", a winded phoebe collapses into his seat.

„Mephistopheles and his companion decided to leave me alone.

NEVER underestimate a woman and her superpowers" I giggle in response. Phoebe, for whatever reason unable to speak, tries to suppress his laughter.

„Did you take part in a marathon?" I ask in amusement, watching his rapid breathing. „I'm afraid you may need medical assistance."

Phoebe gasps and laughs at my words, which isn't of advantage for his current physical state.

„I'm pretty sure it's you, being dead and gone by tonight, not me." I quip, before giving the pour man his much needed rest.

Taking notice of all the laughter, Freddie turns to face us, jealousy and annoyance washing over his face, looking back and forth between Phoebe and me.

Deciding to ignore him this time - i really don't want to overreach things - I relax in my seat, putting my headphones out of my pocket.

„I Never would" phoebe finally finds his breath again.

"Would what?" I ask startled.

„Underestimate you and your superpowers." he winks, before grabbing his book again and browsing through it.

Noticing Freddie standing there again andstaring at us, he whispers „He's a good guy, he's just very serious about his privacy and cautious when it comes to new people coming into his life", while slightly nodding his head in Freddie's direction. „You both will get along well." 

„I hope so" I whisper calmly, facing Freddie.

As our eyes meet he holds my gaze for a view seconds, looking at me, as if he is in some kind oftrance, before quickly turning his head back in embarrassment - at least it looked like that, as his cheeks started to glow in various red tones.

* * * *

With plugged in headphones I shuffle through my phone, with shaking hands, trying to find the kind of music, that will keep me calm for the tricky part of this flight.

I really enjoy flying, but takeoffs and landings scare the shit out of me. Most of the times everything goes off well, but when anxiety comes over me, I tend to go completely nuts. And this is no understatement.

Feeling a hand on my knee, I look up in surprise.

„You're ok?" a soft voice interrupts my growing panic. „Your hands are shaking like leaves." A concerned phoebe looks at me.

„I will be fine as soon as this bird will be up in the sky" is say assuringly, pointing upwards.

„Fear of flying?" he asks with worry in his voice.

„Not flying per se, just getting up there and down again. Don't worry, I will be fine." I smile at him affirmative.

„What are you listening to?" Phoebe tries his best to distract me.

„Canzonetta Sull'aria" by Mozart. It always helps with my anxieties." And let me tell you I have a lot. I simply reply with a hint of embarrassment in my voice.

„Oh, so you're into classical music?" an enthusiastic Phoebe babbles, with sparkling eyes and a way to big smile on his face. He seems to be as excited as a little boy in a candy store.

„I grew up with it, my grandma would never listen to anything else. I never could understand why, as a young kid. But here we are, over 20 years later....I really enjoy it these days." I tell him while melancholy comes over me.

Phoebe, recognizing my growing nostalgia, warmly smiles at me „I love classical music. I would love to show you my collection one day. I'm sure you'll find some stuff you like. Maybe I can show you something new."

Giving him a sincere smile I nod warmly: „That would be lovely."

„We just have to smuggle you past Mephistopheles." Phoebe giggles while looking in Freddie's direction, his mouse turning Into a mischievous grin.

„Uh?" Unable To disguise my lack of knowledge. „Why is that?" I go on as Phoebe didn't answer.

„I live at Garden Lodge. I'm his PA, so I get paid to always be around. It works best like this." he explains in his soft, calming voice.

„My sincere condolences." I reply ironically. „Living with Mephistopheles must be tricky." I add playfully.

Phoebe shakes his head giggling"You have no idea."

„Please never tell him, I called him that....uhm Mephistopheles I mean." I urge him, as I let my gaze wander to Freddie, who's sitting there, his thoughtful eyes fixed on a pad laying on his lap, while fiddling with a pen.

"My lips are sealed darling." he pats my shoulder, smiling kindly at me.

As I let my gaze wander over Freddie, peacefully sitting there, I surmise sadness in his whole appearance, he's always surrounded by people, most of the time by Paul Prenter, but in his eyes you can still see pure sadness and loneliness. I know this feeling too well. But that's another story to tell.

After a short while, I look back to my phone, to stop my thoughts and try to prepare for the upcoming departure. Unaware what awaits me on this flight.

My omnipresent panic increases to another level, as it abruptly turns dark outside and the sky is fully covered with thick pitch black thundery clouds.

We were told to be ready for takeoff, as a voice rings out of the speakers: „The flight is delayed due to bad weather. Please remain seated and keep your seatbelt fastened. We're ready for takeoff shortly."

„Ready for takeoff?" I yell hysterically. „They must be fuc*** kidding. They cannot possibly....FU**!" I exclaim much louder as intended.

Phoebe looks at me terrified, based on my unfortunate choice of words and screaming, not able to hold back his laughter.

„You're laughing?" I snap in frustration.

Phoebe puts on a sympathetic face, while trying to calm me.

„Relax Darling. It'll all be over in a view minutes and you'll enjoy the flight." he soothes me.

„Exactly, everything will be over, that's exactly the point." I object.

Freddie, now noticing my panicky splutter, shakes his head, frantically repressing his laughter.

Shooting him a destroying death stare, I cling to my armrests.

As lightening and thunder set in and a heavy rain falls down, I tremulously look outside, the tip of my nose pressed against the little window.

Turning back, I cup my face with my hands, stammering: "We're going to die. Oh god, we're going to die. Please someone get me out of here." Moving my body back and forth repeatedly.

Phoebe now puts his hand on my shoulder - at least he tries to, with this good distance between our seats - and whispers at me. "Look at me."

Hesitantly putting my hands on my thighs, I look into his calm eyes, as tears roll down my cheeks.

_Ok Vivian, how embarrassing can it get? You're such a drama queen._

"Take a deep breath, everything will be alright. Keep breathing, calm down." He whispers, his hand still resting on my shoulder.

I thought I was calmly breathing, for everybody involved, it must've looked like the strained panting of a delivering woman.

The captain informs us, we are next in line and will takeoff shortly, as the rain decreases and the last thunder fades.

At this point I completely lose it: „Oh God, we're taking off, you said everything will be fine." I hiss at Phoebe.

„I will die in this fuc*** plane and Mephisto right there will bring me straight to hell." I gasp way to loud. Again!!

I scroll through my phone like a maniac, as a perplexed Phoebe asks „What are you doing?"

„Searching for music....if I have to bite the dust, it won't happen to the sounds of fuc*** Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart." I mumble frustrated.

I felt the plain moving faster and faster as I shuffled through my phone, not exactly knowing, what I was searching for.

I close my eyes, lay my head back and cling to my armrests even tighter. „Please don't crash, please don't crash, please don't crash...!" I wind the words like a mantra.

The moment the airplain gets off, is the worst. „Oh god, oh god, oh god,..." I gush out, til I notice the plane gains altitude and is now in the air.

„You see darling, nothing happened." Phoebe smiles at me, as I open my eyes again.

Much to my surprise everything went off without any turbulences.

„Nothing happend..." I whisper disbelievingly, scanning every part of the cabin.

„Am I dead?" I ask Phoebe in all seriousness, still taking in the surroundings and looking my body up and down.

Phoebe bursts out laughing and shakes his head.

Surprised by his reaction, I look over to Freddie, who is sitting there alone, turned around to face us, his hand pressed against his mouth, giggling uncontrollably.

As my expression hardens, I face Phoebe again. „If we're dead, we went straight to hell. Mephistopheles is still here." I gesture in Freddie's direction, rolling my eyes in annoyance.

Phoebe just giggles and draws his attention back to the book he is holding.

"Darling, you made my day. I hope you're ok? That was an overly impressive performance." I hear a posh British voice chuckle next to me, as I look out of the window.

I turn around and look up, straight into Mephi....Freddie's deep, brown eyes.

For the first time, the sadness is gone. I look into the two most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Eyes filled with honesty and warmth.

As I feel embarrassment grow, I try to avoid his gaze and look down into my lap, where my still shaking, cold hands are laying. "I hope you enjoyed the show." I stammer scarcely audible, to then face him again, and smiling sheepishly at him. It takes me all my remaining strength to do so.

"It distracted me from my own anxiety. From now on you will do this on every flight." He giggles and taps my shoulder, before strolling back to his seat.

Looking after him, like some love struck teenager, trying to grasp what just happened,Phoebe snaps me out of my thoughts.

"As I said, you'll get along well." He says convinced, not looking up, while reading.

"I really hope so" I mumble, my eyes fixed on Freddie's back, as i feel some hope flaming up in me again.


	5. Something‘s missing

_ **Vivian** _

**Los Angeles / United States - Airport**

The last view hours of our flight went by unspectacular. After my little comedic interlude earlier today, I preferred to maintain a low profile for the rest of the journey and stay on the sideline.

After almost 12 hours, filled with watching movies, listening music, editing photos and conversations with Roger, we arrived at our destination - sunny Los Angeles.

Roger, the little nosy scallywag he is, didn't insist to switch seats with Phoebe, to, as he called it, sweeten his day with me.

At least time flew and I learned something about the excessive life of a famous Rock band, as he amused me with stories about groupies and parties.

Whereas Freddie fell back into old patterns. After miming the nice guy for exactly two minutes, he was very busy to give me hell, with nasty remarks and potshots, for the remaining 718 minutes of the flight. _Asshole!!_

„We're standing here for about 30 minutes now, I think you should go meet the guys and head to the house." I say to him, as I dandle from one feed to another, with increasing worry. We were standing at the baggage claim, for what felt like ages, to wait for one of my suitcases to arrive. Unfortunately for the one, containing half of my photo equipment and to make it even worse, when I say photo equipment, I mean my sanctuaries.

After a horrible flight, the nightmare continues. _A photographer without his camera, a really great start for my new job. Since meeting this Freddie guy, misfortune haunts me._

Phoebe, who wanted to help me with carrying my numerous suitcases and bags, tries to calm me in his soft soothing voice. "I'm sure your luggage will be here soon. We wait another 5 minutes."

"The others must be really pissed off already. You should go Phoebe. I can handle this on my own. I'll get me a taxi later." I try to refuse his offer. I don't even want to think about the impact, this delay will have on Freddie's state of mind. He hates me already, I don't want to aggravate the situation even more.

Phoebe notices my nervousness and starts to rub my back. "Don't be silly. I'll stay here with you. Don't puzzle your head about it. They can wait a little longer."

„Is everybody in Garden Lodge that stubborn?" A grin forms on my lips and I almost forget about my sorrows for a minute.

„You cheeky devil you." Phoebe smirks and pushes my shoulder.

„I just don't want to incur „the prince of darkness' wrath." I can't suppress a eye rolling, when suddenly Phoebe's cellphone starts to ring. I augur ill as I try to construe his mien.

„Freddie hi......

Wait, wait, wait.....Just give us another 10 minu.....

No, her bag is missing....no with the equipment.....

It's just 10 minutes Freddie....fine, see you in a view." he rashly ends the call, while screwing up his face.

„He already is furious, isn't he?"

I'm honest. I could cry right now.

Phoebe lets out a long haggard sigh „I'm afraid he is."

Facing the floor, I numbly shake my head. "Great. He'll give me hell. We've waited long enough now, I should speak to the airline staff." I declare, while starting to walk away.

„Ok, lets go. Let me take this" he affirms with a smooth smile, as he grabs one of my suitcases and we make our way.

* * * *

„Look who finally arrived. You better have a good excuse. We're cooling our heals for an hour now." A furious Freddie impatiently tabs his feet with crossed arms. His narrowed eyes burning holes into mine.

A weak and almost invisible „Sorry." comes over my lips, as I shamble towards the waiting group, standing in front of the parking van, that would bring us to our final destinations.

„If this is your excuse, you've failed miserably." he hisses, his expression turning even darker, so his eyes look almost black.

„Let's just go." I mumble absently, seeing Roger stepping in front of me, looking at Freddie grim-faced, laying his hands on my shoulders and searching for eye contact, with a worried look on his face.

I have to smile at him shyly, as I feel tears filling my eyes.

_That's just wonderful. Don't start to cry in front of Mr Rock God. You have to be strong now._

"What's wrong Viv?" Roger whispers in concern, now patting my shoulder.

"Nothing that a rooftop and an AK-47 won't take care of." I quip.

Freddie slightly starts to chuckle at my reply. _Maybe seeing me dead would lighten his mood._

Roger smiles weakly, as the others start to get into the van. „You have your luggage?"

„No, it's lost." I tell him concerned, fumbling in my bag.

„They send it somewhere else?" he asks, as he steps back a little.

Putting out my cigarettes, I face him again. „No, they don't know where it is." I stop him with a wave of my hands.

Yes, I put out my cigarettes. I really don't care if I smell like an ashtray anymore. Mr Mercury hates me anyway and maybe the smell will keep Casanova aka Roger away.

„I'm sure you'll get it back soon." he tries to convince me rather badly, stepping besides me, to lay his arm around my shoulder and rub my arm. Roger seems to be out of words for the first time in history.

Putting the cigarette in my mouth and lighting it, I just let out a weary hum, before taking the first puff.

We just stand their silently for a view minutes, as I hold the cigarette in front of Roger, to break the awkward silence.

"Thanks" he chirps with a wink and takes a puff.

„If looks could kill....we better get in." I mumble, as I notice Freddie shooting me a vicious glare, while stepping into the car with a face like thunder.

The fact, that I only have to survive one last car ride with him today, gives me new confidence. _I can manage one ridiculous drive, all I have to do is stay silent and not be provoked by my new pal. Honestly, how hard can it be?_

"Congratulations everybody, our personal standup comedian has finally made it into the car." I hear a posh British voice sarcastically addressing me, as I enter the van.

So much for it, my good intentions are already thrown overboard. _If he wants war, he can have war!_

„I'm pleased you enjoyed my little performance. Considering your omnipresent depressed look, I thought you could need something to raise your spirits." I hit back with a annoyed look, while seating myself between Phoebe and Roger, at the rear seat bench.

Blessedly there was some safe distance between Freddie and me, since Roger performed as a "Buffer", sitting between the two of us.

„You have to remember who you're talking to." Paul, sitting right in front of me, hisses, while turning around to face me.

"Paul, do what you do best and suck up to Freddie." I rumble, rolling my eyes.

_Oops, did I really just say that?_

In the corner of my eye, I can see Freddie leaning forward and looking at me. As I face him with raised brows, he shoots me a baffled look. Paul already turned around again, grumbling something with gritted teeth.

I'm afraid I may loose my job by the end of the day, but I really don't care. I've reached a point where - to cite Mr Freddie Mercury - nothing really matters to me. The point of no return so to say.

„For fuck sake kids, stop the bickering, we haven't even left the airport." an unnerved Brian exclaims livid, which causes Freddie and me to sit back in our seats and look at him in surprise.

I couldn't imagine Brian ever being so enraged.

For whatever reason, Freddie couldn't care less about Brian's advice and continues to squabble. „Oh, fu** off Brian. The only one acting like a child is her." He spits out, leaning forward again, to await my reaction.

"Says the man, who needs FIVE people to use the restroom." I snarl, looking in the opposite direction. With no sound coming from Freddie, I turn to face him, with the most devastating look I can manage.

"I mean, I do get why you take Paul there, he sticks in your ass anyway...but..."

„You little...." Freddie stifles, desperately searching for some clever words to end his sentence, while Roger has a hard time to suppress his laughter.

"Ouch...!" Roger whines, after Freddie forcefully hits him on the back of his head.

„Yes Freddie? ....Just get it off your chest. I dare him with a confident and defiant smile. My brows raised in anticipation.

Speechless Freddie gasps on his seat, his head turning red in rage, while his mouth twitches uncontrollably, by his hopeless situation.

„You little .... b-brat." he finally stammers, visibly dissatisfied with his shiftless remark. Trying to escape the awkwardness, he quickly leans back in his seat and turns away, to look out of the window.

"That's it? I think I can live with that." I giggle, a pleased smile forms my lips, as I lean back to face Phoebe. "You'll get along well, he?" I jibe. Phoebe just looks at me helplessly, shrugging his shoulders and trying to avoid my gaze.

Roger, still giggling, turns to Freddie. „Wow, that wasn't your best Fredster." he snickers, with a shake of his head.

„Oh fu** off Roger. You just being nice, cause you want to shag her." Freddie snaps, so everybody in and surely a view people outside of the car can hear him. I facepalm at his last comment, to elude Rogers gaze, who now sheepishly smiles at me.

„Is somebody jealous? He teases Freddie, which results in another slap on his head.

Rubbing it, he lets out a murmur. "I don't hook up with mari...."

„Ouch!!" I elbow him, my eyes widened in panic, as I shoot him a reproachful look. After a view seconds, he lets out a plain "Oh", while shrugging apologetically. At least the penny's dropped.

Poor Roger, playing the buffer must be painful.

„Ok, ok, ok, everybody just calm down." a soft voice from the front of the car reaches out to us. Good old, placid John tries to sooth us with his smooth, serene tone.

The attempt unfortunately fails, as Roger decides, to teas Freddie a little more.

„I think someone has finally met his equal." he sarcastically quips to Freddie, who shoots him a death glare in response.

_Considering this last ‚conversation', I really think, we all just went back to preschool._

Trying to relieve some of this gruelling tension, swirling around in the van, I start to make conversation to Roger.

"Will we get to the villa, or drop me off at my hotel first?" I ask casually, fumbling in my bag, searching for my cellphone.

Mr Beach informed me, that I would stay at a hotel, whereas the boys, Paul and Phoebe would be lodged in a villa in the Hollywood hills.

After the cheerful atmosphere between Freddie and me, I was more then grateful.

"Oh, now that you mention it." A now uncertain Roger starts to tell me. "You will be staying with us." He continues, backing up a little and turning his face away slightly, as being afraid, I could hit him due to his disclosure.

"Why the hell is this the current state of play? Who decided this, without even asking me?" I harshly whisper a tad to loud at him, before cussing him with some German swear words (something like ‚Trottel', ‚Idiot', ‚Depp', ‚Scheiße' and ‚Arsch', just to mention a view), my face turning deep red in frustration.

Roger stares at me in disbelief and try's to find the best way, to break it gently.

"Weee........I.IIII" he stutters. "I thought it would be a good idea. The house is sooo big and we get along so we" he tries to sugarcoat our gridlock, as I interrupt him with wrath in my voice.

"Are you suffering from amnesia or something? Did Freddie slap you to hard? You've noticed he devoted his life to hate me?!?!" I get carried away by my overwhelming frustration, before staring into my lap and deciding to ignore just everybody in this fucking car.

Keeping your mouth closed may be a good idea Vivian. I really don't want to spoil things with Roger too.

"Somebody has found a new victim.", an amused Freddie giggles next to Roger, looking at him with a grin from ear to ear. "So much for getting laid." He bursts out laughing, looking out of the window again, while Roger starts to tap my arm, to make me look at him.

I refuse to give in and fumble for my headphones.

Only music can make things right at this point.

With the shuffle mode set, I hit play, while closing my eyes and sinking into my seat.

' _This thing called love, I just can't handle it'_ It echoes in my ears. „This can't be true" I sigh, as my eyes spring open again. Mr Mercury is everywhere, even in my shitty phone.

_'This thing called love, I must get rou......'_ I tap wildly on my phone, to successfully stop the mocking sound of him.

_'Tonight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time'_ , Freddie's voice reaches my ears again.

_What the hell is going on here? Please lord, show mercy,_ I face the roof, sending prayers up, while tabbing my phone like a maniac, without any success, to stop his breathtaking voice. _Did I just say that?_ It happens again. The devil enchanted me.

‚ _I feel alive and the world I'll turn it inside out, yeah'_ , I let out a long miserable sigh, as I start to beat the phone against my leg, which results in my seat-mates staring at me in confusion.

_'And floating around in ecstasy'_ , he still chirps in my ear, as I give up for a second, to reconsider my next step.

_'So don't stop me now don't stop me'_ , „What the hell is wrong with this fucking phone...Oh noooo, I will stop you now, Mr fuc*** Mercury." I finally make the music stop. "Finally" I sigh satisfied, as I realize everybody is staring at me, waiting for an explanation for my questionable behavior. I freeze by Freddie's words, as I feel uncertainty growing in me.

"I'm pleased I'm such a big deal for you." Mr Mercury hums brazenly, twinkling at me, with a big smug grin, plastered on his face. A face I want to slap right now.

Deciding to just ignore him, I put away my useless, sneaky phone.

Freddie, being disappointed by my refusal, now is incited to start teasing.

"You've lost your camera?" He eagerly chirps.

"Brilliant deduction Watson, you catch on fast, really impressive." I mumble in boredom, not even looking at him.

"Than I have a suggestion for you. Without a camera and the fact you don't want to stay with us, I think it's best for you, to book the next flight back to London. I mean, you are more than useless at the moment." He submits buoyant, looking at me challenging, with his sparkling eyes.

"Fortunately I was smart enough to bring a second and a third camera with me." I retort, while putting on the most plastic smile possible.

Freddie's mood now darkens, as he realizes, I won't be intimidated by his words.

"It would be smart to search for a REAL job now." He spits tamely, looking at me, as if regretting, to not come up with something better.

I smile at him cheekily. "Considering what I will get paid here, I don't have to worry about a "real" job......FOR YEARS." I stifle the conversation.

This answer marks the turning point for him. He lets out a deep growl, pushes his now clenched fist to his knee, before pattering something for the next 5 minutes.

At this point I wish I could just keep my mouth shut for one minute. I still have no clue what is going on here. Usual Vivian already would've been crying several times throughout the day and surely wouldn't have the strength and courage to raise her voice, like I did over and over again.

_It's death proof. I will experience hell for the next two years._

Roger brings me back to messy reality. "2:0 for Viv." He giggles towards Freddie.

I give him a slight push again, to make him stop, making things even worse.

"Roger, don't always meddle in my business.", Freddie spits at him, his narrowed eyes fixed on me.

Roger decides to ignore my objections and cheerfully babbles away. "Someone has to and make you stop, you're acting ridiculous."

I take Freddie as an example and sink into my seat again, trying to cut off from the outside world and maintain silent for the rest of the drive.

The other co-drivers follow our lead and drowse after this exhausting flight.

Not a sound is to be heard, as we're getting closer to our destinations.

I am almost asleep, as the van suddenly hits a monstrous pothole. It must have been huge, cause everybody bounced up from their seats.

"Vivian darling, fasten your seatbelt, we are excepting further turbulences. And don't forget to breathe." Freddie suddenly giggles out in his smug, disdainful tone.

"Freddie, do you never get tired?" an annoyed Brian asks him, glancing at him, while I roll my eyes and let out a bugged sigh.

"I hear an annoying, monotonous drowning in my left ear all the time.", I say playfully, while rubbing my ear. "Anybody else here, with the same problem?", I go further, looking around.

Freddie blankly shakes his head and finally keeps silent and stops his taunting for the rest of the drive.

* * * *

The enjoyable and long-yearned-for peaceful silence unfortunately is interrupted, as Roger suddenly speaks up. „Ehm Fred, there's a big fat spider hanging in front of you.", he taps Freddie on the arm, trying to get his attention. Freddie was fallen asleep 30 minutes ago and is now looking around in confusion, almost unable to open his eyes.

„What?", he mumbles sleepy, while stretching out in his seat and trying to find a comfy position.

„There's a big fat spider hanging in front of you.", Roger declares again, pointing at the ugly black monstrosity, hanging right in front of Freddie's nose.

Looking at it with panic filled, widened eyes, vigorously pressing his back into his seat and waving around with his arms and hands, as if to fend a swarm of killer bees, Freddie lets out a high pitched scream. One that sounds, as if somebody just kicked him in his balls. Or more suitable for a Freddie Mercury, his Crown Jewels.

I'm unable to laugh about it, beeing to busy to look panicked and move myself away from the place of action, closer and closer to Phoebe. So close, I almost sit on his lap.

"Jesus Christ Freddie, it's just a spider." , an annoyed Roger exclaims, raising his brows in incomprehension.

"Keep it away, keep it away.....just kill it. Just be useful for only one time and kill this fuc*** thing.", a tensed Freddie presses out, his voice slightly cracks at his last words.

Roger grabs the spider and moves to face me, coming closer....a bit too close. "You wanna take a look?" He smiles at me, before noticing my scared state.

I shake my head like crazy, moving back even more, as I try to breath evenly. "Oh god, are you mad? Just stay away, or you and your hairy friend will not survive this journey.", I hiss at him.

"Oh god, relax. It's a fucking spider, guys." Roger looks back and fourth between the two of us, with pure incomprehension.

Freddie finds his voice again by Rogers words. "It's a disgusting hairy monster.", he hisses at Roger, his face distorted with fear and disgust.

I only can nod at Freddie's last statement. "Everything with more than 4 legs is the enemy. Please just kill it." I plead Roger, my hands clenched in the seat.

You've already heard about my multiple anxieties.....you just discovered a new one.

Those little many-legged creatures scare me to death.

"With my hands?", Roger asks irritated....shooting me a questioning glance.

I can't handle it anymore at this point. Either the spider has to leave this car, or it's me. I will jump right out of the window, if necessary. "Just kill it Roger!!!! Please just get it out of here. I don't care what you do with it, as long as it is out of this car in less than 10 seconds.", I exclaim, fumbling in my bag and putting out a tissue.

"Here....", I say, handing it to Roger.

Roger, being extremely dull at this moment, looks at me disbelievingly. You can see the question marks popping out of his head. "What is this for?" He asks baffled.

"Put it in there and squash it!", I tell him quickly, trying to imitate the 'process of squashing a spider' with my hands.

Roger looks away at his hands, shaking his head with an eye roll. "You two are such babies. At least you've got something in common.", he determines. "Who would have thought that?!"

"Oh yes Roger. It's just wonderful. Now we can discuss our arachnophobia over a cup of tea.", I scoff sarcastically, almost relaxing a bit in my seat.

Freddie's chuckle makes way for his frightened face, as Roger kills the spider with a loud crack, which lets Freddie and me groan in disgust. "Is everybody happy now?"

A satisfied sighing Freddie relaxes in his seat and turns to face the window, as his cheeks start to glow.

I have to screw up my face by the cracking sound. „I think I have to vomit...and it's not because Paul is here.", it rashly escapes my lips, which results in giggles from Freddie, Phoebe and Roger and, of course, a scornful gaze from Paul.

_Did Mr Mercury just giggle?_ I can see a bright future for the both of us.


	6. The glass cage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody,  
> this story is also published at Wattpad under the same name (Let me in your heart again) and under the username ready82.  
> I just wanted you guys, that also use wattpad, know. 
> 
> Have fun and I hope you enjoy reading. 
> 
> XOXO, W. 😘

**_Vivian_ **

**Los Angeles / United States - Hollywood Hills**

The thoughts are racing through my head, as we come closer and closer to our new domicile, a - like the queen manager recently advertised - stunning mansion, which is unparalleled.

Thoughts, I brilliantly was able to repress only a view minutes ago.

Thoughts, or more precisely fears, which would eventually catch up with me sometime.

_How, for heavens sake, shall I spend two whole years with Freddie and Paul under one roof?_

_How shall there ever be a rational and peaceful cooperative work, when we already bawl us out like spiteful infants, after less then one week?_

_How shall I live with someone, who rather wants me on the other end of the world, than at his side for two whole years?_

_The only solution that comes to my mind?_

_You have to ignore all of it and be above such things. Don't give him, or better them room for their "tirades of hate"._

_Someday they'll be fed up with it and everything will be easier._

_It will work, it must work. Your fuc*** job depends on it, which means, your live depends on it._

„Mr. Prenter, we'll drop you off in a view minutes. We've almost reached your hotel." I look up startled, as I examine the words from a distance, spoken by our driver.

_Did I hear right?_

With no recognizable reaction coming from Paul, I let my gaze wander towards Freddie, who's - like the remaining ride - staring out of the window, completely lost in thought.

His forehead covered with deep wrinkles, his striking chin carried by his clenched fist and his deep brown chocolaty eyes appearing blank, as his face reflects in the window.

You can't make out the smallest hint of feeling. No fury, no wrath, no happiness, no joy. Absolutely nothing.

„Thank the lord.", I hear Roger whisper, his face facing the ceiling, as if he's about to send prayers up in the bright blue sky.

His beaming blue eyes joyfully sparkle as our gazes meet. My face, still covered with a hint of wonder, is reason enough for him, to move his lips to my ear.

„I'll tell you about it when we've arrived.", he whispers, considerate of Freddie not hearing our dialogue. My answer is a relieved nod.

_I AM RELIEVED._

_Paul will not be staying with us._

_The first good news in days._

_But how will Freddie handle this? After all he spends every free minute with him._

His reflection, showing in the stained car window, still doesn't reveal anything about his current state of mind. I have to take pot luck I guess.

"Your Hotel Mr. Prenter.", the driver informs Paul, as the van comes to a stand.

Out of the corner of my eye, I realize, Freddie still isn't encouraged to show any reaction to the current events.

John and Brian make way for a tight-lipped Paul, who leaves the van with gritted teeth.

Less than five minutes later, the car begins to move again.

_Maybe everything will be alright now._

_There's a German proverb that says: "Hope is the last to die."_

* * * *

„Goood, finally.", Roger sighs relieved, in the seat next to me.

"Next point on the agenda: SHOWER.", suddenly Phoebe laughs to my right.

"This might do you good as well, Freddie!", a nose wrinkling Roger nudges Freddie in his side, who finally has been pulled out of his thoughts and darts Roger a quizzing look, without being responsive to his teasing. 

His vacuous mien suddenly yields his well-known, gloomy expression, when his gaze meets mine.

_Old Freddie is back._

_Time to withdraw, Vivian._

My fearfully thoughts blow out, as I admire our new „home" the best I can, still sitting in the backseat of the van.

We stand in front of a three - floor building, with huge, imposing glas - fronts, surrounded by lush green meadows and shallow hills, you wouldn't expect in this hot California sun. 

_We are living in a glas cage now._

Already the view from this side of the impressive Bauhaus-Style building is breathtaking.

Even Luxury - proofed Freddie, who gets out first, has to gasp, with his jaw dropped, as he admires the masterpiece in front of his eyes.

Roger quickly scurries past Freddie and enters the house first, giggling in excitement.

_I will share the glass cage with a bunch of little schoolboys._

I have to suppress a chuckle, as I look after him.

As I want to follow the others and get out, suddenly my shoelace gets stuck and I fall out of the van and bump into Freddie's muscular yet lean back (yes, he has a nice back), with a loud wheeze.

Freddie quickly turns round in surprise. His now almost black eyes once more show, there's anger boiling up in him again, as he faces the root of the evil. ME!

Of course, who else?

As he steps back and away from me, I finally lose balance and my lurching body painfully hits the dusty ground, with my shoelace still sticking in the car-door.

_Great Vivian, of course this has to happen._

I hesitate to face him again, as I still feel his relentless gaze on my kneeling body.

Finally risking to look at him, I regret facing him the same second.

Freddie shoots me a devastating glare, his beautiful full lips now unrecognizable, since pursed into narrowed, pinched lines.

„You enjoyed my performance earlier? Than I thought, this would be the perfect thing for you!"

I try to lighten up the mood, as I theatrically spread my arms and substantiate my act with a vigorous „Tadaaa".

Freddie's exit paired with his dismissive head-shake shows me, he's not willing to give me a chance. Not even a tiny bit of it.

„No? Ok.", I disappointedly roll my eyes. The hopes of a happier future, which did unfold as Paul left the group, suddenly fade away.

As I free myself from the car and bob up again and dust down the dirt, Phoebe, with a haggard look upon his endearing face, appears on the screen.

„Are you ok Viv", he shoots out, as he dust down even more dirt from my clothes.

I do what I always do, when sadness overcomes me. I cover it.

„Absolutely, I always get off like this." I reply coquettish, with lips, that form a giant fake smile on my face.

My smile is followed by a thoughtful and serious expression, with which I gaze after a grim and scowling Freddie. An expression, that tells the truth about my feelings .

„I really don't know what's wrong with him." Phoebe, following my suit and looking after Freddie, while shrugging apologetically, brings me back from my cloudy thoughts.

„Freddie Mercury has sense of a humour bypass, that's wrong.", I scoff, as we make our way towards the trunk.

My disappointment, regarding our hopeless situation, is writ large all over my face.

"When will you ever learn to pack your bags properly?!" I curse softly, as I try to manhandle my heavy luggage out of the trunk.

"No, no, no, let me carry this for you darling."

Phoebe must have recognized my quiet moan, for grabbing at my suitcase in a feisty manner, as I'm ready to march towards the house.

„Phoebe darling, I think you already got your hands full here. Don't you think?", a confident Freddie interrupts us and points at one of his suitcases.

The corner of his mouth raises to a boastful grin, as his deep brown eyes cheekily flash at me.

He doesn't hesitate to pry my suitcase out of Phoebes hand and put it back right in front of my shocked, tensed body.

Phoebe, now being more rattled than ever, shoots me an apologizing look, as he falters to follow Freddie's instructions.

I put on the most friendly smile, as I face him, trying hard to hold his gaze.

After one look in Phoebes direction and an inviting nod, he turns round and vanishes into the house.

„Go, it's ok. I really can handle this." A smile forms my lips as I look at Phoebe, who still can't decide what to do.

„Take this two, I'll come back darling and take care of the rest.", he winks, before following Freddie into the house.

I let out a small giggle. „What a cavalier..." and go after him, heavily loaded.

The decision, to carry three items of luggage at a single blow, proves as the worst idea ever, as I arrive at the entrance of the imposing building and Roger runs towards me, grabbing me by my hand and dragging me along behind him.

I almost trip and fall again, as I yell after him, „Wait, wait, wait."

Roger does nothing of the sort, running cheerfully ahead.

„Let me put down my stuff first", I pant, which makes him stop abruptly, helping me set aside my stuff, which almost causes me to bump into him.

We both walk into a giant open-plan living area, where all of the boys stand in front of a huge glass front, staring outside. On our way we leave behind a comfy looking sofa, you easily could share with a group of 40 people and still would feel lonely. _I may overdo things a little bit here._

Right to my left I spy a wonderful kitchen with a massive cooking island, we later would admire.

„Wow", it slips out of my mouth, as I marvel at the breathtaking view of the city of angels.

There's no chance for more conversation, at my current state of excitement about this marvelous sight.

„That's for sure the best house we've ever stayed.", Brian nods confirmingly and smiles in my direction.

Even better than the gorgeous view, is the giant infinity pool, right in front of me, which literally melts with the city.

_You need to know. I'm a passionate swimmer. If I'm not taking picture after picture, you can find me in a pool to swim._

„Ok Ladys, you have to excuse me, I'm in the pool."

All the bad thoughts are blown away for one moment, as the sight of this beautiful city brings a smile to my face.

„Don't make yourself too comfortable.", Freddie retorts quickly, gazing into space.

_Sorry Mr Mercury. Even YOU can't damp my good spirits._

I turn away from the group of admiring people and am about to walk back to the entrance again, convinced to smile in the face of disaster.

At this point John tampers the events. „Give the poor girl some rest Freddie." His bugged gaze towards Freddie speaks volumes.

I can hear steps following me from behind. "Lets check our rooms.", I hear Roger coming closer, who's running after me, grabbing one of my suitcases and marching towards the stairway. After this twelve hour flight, he's still full of beans.

I try to take my suitcase back, as I swiftly walk after him.

„Wait Roger, you don't have to carry this. I'll do it on my own."

On my forehead the first droplets of sweat start to form.

"Na, na, na....take your lovely fingers away. It's my pleasure.", he blinks playfully and walks away.

I huff a simple „Thank you.", as I take the first steps and hear the other boys coming closer behind me.

Roger and I already stay upstairs, as Freddie heads towards us.

„Roger, You're serving as our new butler now?? Or will Vivian be the only one enjoying this pleasure?, he hisses. Looking at us appraisingly, while swaggering past us.

My perplexed face follows him.

_What on earth have I done to him? Can't he leave it at that for just 5 minutes?_

My cheerfulness has had it and makes way for my ever-present tensed and by this time, gloomy mood.

„Please NEVER do me a favour again", I mumble thoughtful, staring down my luggage.

Roger, looking bewildered, shakes his head and looks after Freddie.

Phoebe, who must've noticed our little "banter", suddenly appears next to me, laying his arm around my shoulder.

„Look for your room, I'll bring your bags.", he whispers lovingly smiling. I shake my head enthusiastically and press out a loud „NO!"

„Please. Let me do this. I'm already tired of this", I go on and gesture wildly back and fourth between Freddie and me.

„I don't want to make it even worse."

Phoebe, the lovable and caring person he is, obviously doesn't settle for my request.

„Vivian...* he budges me.

Nevertheless I wont be dissuaded.

„No!! No back talks!", I vigorously reply.

I see John walking towards us. „Hey, guys, you wanna spend the evening in the hallway?"

„It's a breathtaking hallway." I let my gaze wander around and let out a small giggle.

„Wait till you see your room.", Brian smiles at me, while coming closer.

Roger makes his way along the long aisle, looking around and searching for our rooms. „Let's see....here's Johns, Freddie's...here's yours Viv.", I hear him shouting and waving at me, to come over.

We walk towards him and stop in front of the door to my new kingdom, as Roger opens the door. „If you don't mind, I need to shower. I'll see you downstairs.", I wink and quickly close the door behind me, leaving a startled Roger behind it.

I hardly can suppress a cry of joy, as I let my gaze wander around the endlessly big room.

An impressive king size bed, a giant flatscreen, they even provided a PC, to later edit my photographs.

The wardrobe isn't a simple wardrobe, it's a room by itsself. _You know, a walk-in closet._ So big, you easily could dance in it.

The luxurious bath en suite has everything you could ask for.

But still, the view is the highlight of it all. It's even better, then downstairs.

I let my gaze wander again once more, before I fall onto my oh so cosy bed and inhale a deep breath.

_Who cares about Freddie Mercury. I'll just spend the two years in this room._

After a short rest I extensively enjoy the heavenly rain shower and stow away my belongings, in this apparently way to big closet.

I have to smile. _You easily could've brought 30 suitcases here._

As I make my way downstairs again, I hear a hubbub echoing from the kitchen area.

The boys loudly argue about something.

As I go on, coming closer to the noise, to look around downstairs, I learn more about the reason for their heated discussion.

They're talking about me.

* * * *

**_Freddie_ **

"I really dont know what's the matter with you, Fred!", Roger grouses, as our discussion reaches its peak. His blue eyes sparkle challenging, as he shoots me a glare, right before falling onto a chair behind him.

_Of course nobody knows. Nobody in this band is haunted by the press like me. Nobody of them has to read about the bullshit they make up and blare out every day._

„I can't understand why she has to stay here. What for?", I ask him challenging. It's a fair question. _Why should she? A completely strange person, who's around us every second anyway, is also now about to live with us?_

_No way! My private life is sacred to me._

„Why not Freddie? What the fuck's wrong with it?", Roger throws at me, laying his head in his hands.

„Oh we all know why you want her around.", I hiss back.

He's looking at me, disgusted.

"Don't be so fucking ridiculous."

"Whats your problem with her?", Brian enters the conversation.

_Why is everybody here permanently asking the same stupid questions?_

I decide not to answer this dumb question a 100th time.

„I don't get why we need to do this shitty photo reportage anyway.", I whine more than saying it. _At the moment, I must sound like a little, weepy child.Surely not of advantage for a positive outcome on this._

„You've been with us at the meeting we've discussed this?! Weren't you?".

The tension in the large room increases. Brian May's voice gets louder, as he props up on the table right in front of him, with clenched fists.

„I never agreed to this shit Brian!! With all this going on everyday, we won't have any private life at all. And now you invite her to fuc*** stay here? And to top this, you have the nerve to send Paul to a fuc*** hotel. You all must be kidding!!!", it suddenly shoots out. My body tenses up, and I abruptly can feel the heat rushing to my head.

„Freddie, nobody wants that dick around.

He's a manipulative wanker."

I can't suppress an eye roll.

_Exactly Roger, it's always the same old story._

„And I don't want HER around. You have to find another solution for this. I won't work with her, as long as she's here!!", I give them a choice.

_This will stop this shit. 1:0 for me._

„Fred, you act like a child. Get over it already.", Brian scoffs, in his usual calm and objective nature.

_I know I can be exhausting, but this time I won't cave in._

John, Queens Heaven of Peace, suddenly stands up and carefully walks toward Brian and me. His face reflects pure composure.

„Guys, let us just see how it will work out. We...„

He can't finish his speech, as suddenly Vivian walks into the scene and the whole group stares at her.

„You can talk to ME, I'm here.", she walks towards the fridge, grabbing a bottle of coke.

Her unconditional, provoking gaze immediately lays on me, as she turns back towards us.

_What happened to the shy, fearful deer. that faced me a view days ago._

_Pale and shivering from fear, her voice weak and powerless._

_This is not the same Vivian._

„Nothing? That's what I was thinking.",

she nods confirmingly.

_Great Freddie, you just stood there, like a fu*** idiot. Again._

Vivian's gaze wanders towards my bandmates. „Anybody else?"

Everybody in the room remains silent. John is busy to look at her apologetically, Roger, nervously plucks on his arm and Brian,.... _I have no clue what he's trying to do over there._

The room is filled with complete silence.

_Awkward silence._

„I'm outside. Let me know, when you made your final decision.", she releases us from our embarrassing situation, before making her way outside to the pool and we still stare after her.

„You want her to leave? Tell her on your own!!", Roger suddenly determines.

_Of course Roger, NOW you've found your voice again._

"Roger, there's no way I can just kick her out. I sound vigorous as I raise objections.

_He can't possibly demand to throw her out._

_He fucked up, as he invited her to stay with us, therefore he has to carry the can for it._

Roger let's out a long sigh, standing up again and walking towards the fridge.

"Damn Freddie, it's hard to cope with you. You're constantly complaining about her being here and want to get rid of her and now you don't have the stones to face her and tell her on your own?", he barks, as he walks back.

_Me, a coward? Never!_

"Ok, I'll talk to her. Are you happy now?". I reproachfully let my gaze wander over the group before my eyes lay on her.

_Don't get me wrong. I'm not a monster. I may be hard on her, I may be unfair. But my messy past makes me behave like this._

„No, we don't want her to leave.", Roger briefly tears me from my thoughts. Now I'm no longer sure I want her to go.

_Smart, glibly, humorous._

_Actually I should like her._

_Somehow I do like her._

_But Paul rammed into me to be careful. And I know he's right._

I hear a hrumph right behind me.

„Freddie? This problem won't resolve itself." Brian is standing right behind me. Urging me with his gaze, to go outside and bow to the inevitable.

A faint sigh and a taunting look retort..."I KNOW!"

„Than what are you waiting for?", he urges again, till I finally storm outside.

There she's sitting, on the upper steps of the mega pool. _Our mega pool._

_It seems, she's on the phone with somebody._

_How do you start conversation with someone who's talking on the phone?_

_I can't just sit next to her, like a bloody fool._

_Why, now of all times, is she calling someone?_

I look towards Roger hopelessly, who, together with the other guys, including Phoebe, is observing us.

Me gesturing wildly, doesn't convince them to stop the staring and move away from the glass front. Phoebe can't suppress a chuckle. _Phoebe you honestly should be more solidary!!_

Vivian, now recognizing me and my excessive arm-waving, as she looks over to the house, rolls her eyes in annoyance, before staring at the water again to end her call.

She lightens a cigarette, as I walk closer.

_That's a start, Freddie. You're smoking too. Just sit next to her and follow suit._

I frisk my pockets and have to recognize. No cigarettes. _Crap!!!!_

_Ok, just improvise. That's what you do best._

The ‚best' I can manage is to stand next to her and grab her cigarettes, laying on the ground besides her.

Wrinkles start to build on her forehead, as she looks up, her expression turning to a startled look.

„Sure, help yourself...", I hear her hiss, facing the pool again, as I seat myself next to her.

The fact, I fumble with my cigarette, for what felt like ages, without producing the smallest hint of smoke, makes her look up again.

Whipping out her lighter, she releases me from my plight.

I stammer a "Hi", after making the first puff.

The same startled and still slightly annoyed steelblue eyes stare at me. _Stunning steelblue eyes. Granted._

"Hi", it escapes her lips, almost incidental, while she shakes her head - almost as she has no interest in my presence - and looks down again on our reflection in the water.

_I thought that smalltalk - thing would be easier._

"It's beautiful here isn't it?", I ask almost inaudible, trying my hardest to sound serene.

_You have to excuse. I'm a wreck right now. I do my best, but having in mind, to tell her she has to leave, makes it hard to do prober conversation._

"Are you on medication or drugs or something?", she raises her brows in disbelieve.

"Uhm,....What?", I ask her, as I move my head to face her.

Again she shakes hear head and turns away.

"You're acting strange....."

then she goes on. „You don't have to be nice. Just tell me what you all came up with."

„We....I. We thought....or I. Wait"

She lets out a giggle at my last words, or may I say stammering. With another headshake she takes a long puff from her cigarette. _There's a lot of head shaking going on here..._

"Will this go on the next hour? I'm tired and...."

"Aaaaand? I try to motivate her to go on.

She lets out a long sigh before speaking up again.

"Aaaaaand I have to find me a hotel if YOU want me to leave.", she emphasizes and looks at me questioningly.

Trying hard to put out the words, that would make her leave this place, I look at her desperate. But unfortunately the right words wont escape my mouth, no matter how hard I try.

_A coward? Me? Of course I am! The biggest coward on this fuc*** planet._

I roll my eyes at my own inability.

„For gods sake, then just stay here, if it makes you happy.", I forcefully spit at her, a tad to loud, taking another buff and turning to face the sparkling crystal clear water again. My face turning to stone in anger over my own stupidity.

"Ok." she answers calmly, not looking at me.

We sit there, smoking our cigarettes in silence, both trying to avoid the others gaze.

„Is there something else?", she asks suddenly. Her voice sounding monotone and unfazed.

I look over to her again, my puzzled expression makes her go on.

„Cause you're still sitting here.", she continues drily.

_Ok. She doesn't want me around._

_Give me a moment, I have to let this sink in._

_Don't get me wrong. It's quite new for me, someone wants to get rid of me._

_Usually people do everything, to get my attention and sometimes they're awfully intrusive._

_Apparently, that's not the case today._

„Ok, I understand.", I say calmly, while standing up and walking away.

As I enter the house, all eyes lay on me. I march towards the stairway, not facing a single person of the group of people, that desperately want to hear about the outcome of our conversation.

„You can open your Champaign bottles, she will stay HERE.", I sarcastically hiss with gritted teeth, as I pass by.


	7. Enough

**_Freddie_ **

**Los Angeles / United States - Hollywood Hills**

"Phoebe, could you please come over." I desperately scream towards the kitchen.

I'm sitting here for what feels like days, on this huge couch in front of our massive TV and try to make this fuc*ing thing work.

I might be a musical genius, but I'm the biggest moron when it comes to technical devices. I'm completely helpless and already reached a level, where I just want to throw this shit out of the window.

My tensed fingers have pushed every single button on this shitty remote, but still, all I see is....NOTHING!

"Just one minute.....I'm already on my way.", I hear Phoebe yell after another minute went by. He seems more than incurious, which worsens my already aggressive mood even more.

Something in this house went completely wrong for the last view days and the 'nightmare' continues.

I look over to the kitchen area where the two cheerfully jabber and happily slurp their tea, completely cut off from the outside world. I can't hold back an eye-roll, as I examine the remote in my hand.

The two you ask? Phoebe and Vivian. Who else?! It's unbelievable. Since Ms. Vivian Kurzmann occupies this lovely place - at least it should be lovely, but she's completely ruining it for me - everything, absolutely everything is about her.

It makes me sick, all the whispering, snickering and the exaggerated ado all day long.

I'm the one who brought a personal assistant, but yet I'm the only one in here who has absolutely no use of him.

He sticks to her like glue, they're almost like a fuc*ing love couple. I literally can hear the wedding bells ring.

If he wasn't gay, he probably would be all over her by this time.

„Phoebe, could you please tear yourself away from her, for just one second??" My voice is getting louder and angrier with every spoken word. „I need your help here!" I go on, as still no Phoebe appears in the room.

"Of course he's not coming, Ms Kurzmann is the center of attention again.", I mutter, andjump up from the couch to stomp towards the large flatscreen hanging on the wall.

With growing fury, I push the buttons again, till the screen turns black.

_That's great Freddie, We'll never watch tv again._

I can feel the anger boil up in me even more, as I clench the remote in my hand, on the brink of just smashing it into the screen.

The fact I'm the epitome of impatience, doesn't make things better.

"PHOEBE!!!!!!!", I roar from the top of my lungs, - my yelling surely can be heard within miles -, as I turn round and almost bump into Vivian.

She has to giggle, as she examines my frustrated, red glowing face.

„I'm here. What's wrong?", I suddenly hear Phoebe asking in front of me. Before facing him, I shoot her a destroying look and hand him the remote. My furious expression doesn't seem to impress her, not a tiny bit.

„I want to watch a movie on Netflix." The words leave my mouth almost inaudible, as I mumble and turn round, feeling the heat in my cheeks rise.

The anger vanishes and embarrassment grows. Why does she ALWAYS have to be with him?

Phoebe taps the remote without any success and looks at me with worry. He knows exactly what will happen, if I don't get what I want.

"I'm sorry, I don't know how to change the settings.", he mumbles, his eyes now fixed on the screen.

"What did you do?", he asks, his voice sounds reproachful, as suddenly Vivian speaks up. "Let me see..." With this words she grabs the remote, looks at it for a second, mutters something and walks to the table to grab another one. She pushes a button and the Netflix logo appears on the screen. "Voila." A satisfied smile forms her peachy lips, as she is about to hand the remotes back to me.

Now my face darkens even more. I cross my arms in front of her. „I can't remember I asked YOU for help!", my angry eyes pierce through hers, before I turn round and sit down on the couch again.

Facing the tv, I can see how the screen suddenly turns black again.

_This little bitch._

I'm about to look at her, as the remotes plop down on the couch, right next to me.

I speechlessly stare at her. „You've got some nerve!!! What the hell are you doing?", I hiss, feeling the anger boiling up again.

Vivian, more than unimpressed, babbles away. „You don't want me to help,....then do it on your own.", she says while shrugging. „Good luck!", I hear her warble cheerfully before she turns her back on me and walks away.

_Ok, now we've reached the point Lady's and Gentleman! The time has finally come, that I will put an end on this! You better take cover Ms. Kurzmann!_

I jump up from the couch, my voice raising up again.

„Darling, who do you think you're messing with?"

I can barely keep pace with her, as she walks out of the room, completely ignoring me.

„For fu*k sake, stand still!! We're not finished here!", I scream, as I run after her.

My commands seem to fall on deaf ears, cause she still walks ahead, completely unimpressed by my fury.

Finally I reach her and forcefully grab her arm to turn her round.

„WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?", she suddenly yells, her face turning to stone, as she breaks loose from my grip.

„My problem? MY PROBLEM???", I scream. „YOU ARE MY FUC*ING PROBLEM!!!!"

She just stands there, rubbing her arm, looking at me baffled, not willing to give me any reaction. so I go on.

„Just to get things straight. Not everything in this house is about Vivian Kurzmann!!" My voice is getting calmer, as the thoughts about what Paul told me, swirl in my head.

„What are you here for? Paul is right.....you're miming the innocent, sweet Vivian....but actually you've got something different in mind. What are you really here for? Do you want a piece of the success? Are you trying to make some cash with a filthy story about me? What is it?"

Her expression turns to a confused look now, wrinkles start to form on her forehead and the pupils of her big blue eyes widen by my last words.

„Oh my god. You're completely nuts.", she responds calmly, while shaking her head and turning round, to go away. Again.

Determined to not let her get away with it this time, I quickly follow her.

"I'M TALKING TO YOU!!!"

Vivian stops quickly and turns round to face me. She appears almost to quiet, as she finally decides to talk to me.

"First, you're not talking, you're screaming. Get yourself some Valium! Maybe THEN you're able to just TALK to me. And second, please get some professional help to cure your paranoia. It seems you have completely lost your mind."

With this words she leaves me alone and makes her way to the stairs.

„Ok, that's it! I'm fed up with this......WITH YOU!!!", I run after her, almost bumping into her, as she abruptly faces me again.

„Then for fu*k sake stop running after me!!!, she raises her voice and I finally can see sparks of anger flashing in her beautiful eyes.

"Oh god guys, is there only one fu*king day without your silly fights?"

Ignoring Brian's comment, who's sitting at the table in the kitchen area and reading a magazine, we still stand there and just look in each other's eyes, both of us now filled with rage.

"I'm fu*king done with this shit Brian. I want that silly bitch out of here. Now!!!!!", I exclaim insistently, my gaze still fixed on her.

But as the other times before, theres still

no reaction coming from her. Her expression already turned soft again. There's no anger, no vulnerability, nothing. It absolutely drives me crazy. This woman doesn't seem to be in awe of me, not even a tiny bit.

She just rolls her eyes, completely unfazed by the last events and leaves the room.

"You better pack your bags and fu*k off!!!", I scream one last time.

This time I let her go, knowing to well, our 'conversation' will lead to nothing.

"Really Freddie?", an incredulous Brian addresses me. "I mean, we all know, you need your drama occasionally, but now you've reached a level.......I don't know..." he shakes his head, as if to think about how he should go on. "...it's just stupid.", he says, - obviously in loss of words - and looking at his magazine again.

Ignoring him completely and walking away, to not worsen my mood even more, I sit down on the couch again. "Could just anybody in this fu*king house make this TV work?!", I scream.

"For fu*k sake....Where's John when you need him?!"

*******

**_Vivian_ **

I still hear his yelling behind me, as I make my way upstairs.

Tears start to build in my eyes, as I enter my room.

I might be calm in front of him, but this whole situation nearly drives me crazy. At this point, I really don't know, if I can take it any longer. This was not the first of his tantrums caused by my mere presence and it won't be his last. That's as safe as the Bank of England.

I think we've reached our low-point today. Freddie Mercury called me ‚silly bitch'. Hooray! But for the last week it's getting worse with every day that passes and the rowings get more personal, so maybe, he will be exceed his nice, little compliment very soon.

My back leans at the now closed door, inhaling deep, I try to figure out my next moves, but my head feels just empty. I'm almost unable to think straight. _It really is time to relax Vivian._

Deciding to take a bath to calm down, I dial my best friends number.

If someone can lighten up my mood, then her.

"Hello? Vivian?", I hear an excited voice ring in my ear, after some seconds.

"Hi sweetheart.", I reply, already feeling better again, just by the sound of her voice, which causes me to smile involuntarily.

"Where are you? Are you in LA already?", Melanie quickly goes on.

"Yes, I finally made it." My voice cracks by my last words.

„Oh oh, I know this tone. What's wrong Viv?", Melanie asks. There's no flies on her.

„I'm just happy to hear your voice.....and I'm tired, as usual. You know me.", I giggle, to allay her fears. „It's just nice to talk to someone familiar."

„I have a feeling there's more behind it.", she digs deeper.

Ignoring her last words, I quickly go on.

"How about we meet tomorrow and have a drink?"

"You're a lucky Girl. The kids stay with Jeff. We'll have the whole night. Just as in the old days.", Melanie happily accepts my offer.

„I can't wait, there's so much to talk about." My tone is getting quiet again, as the events of the last turbulent days cross my mind.

"Eight, at my place?", Melanie brings me back to here and now. "We'll explore LA's nightlife.", she giggles in excitement.

"8.00 p.m. Wild horses couldn't stop me. ( _Well, except the Mustang raging downstairs_ ) Bye love.", I laugh, already excited to get some normality back to my life.

„See you tomorrow.", Melanie now ends the call and leaves me alone again with my thoughts.

*******

Already 45 minutes went by, I recognize as I look at my phone. I blow dry my hair and put on my pajama, still hearing the oppressive sounds of a rough argument, taking place downstairs.

Going down there again today, won't be a smart decision, so I prefer to go to bed instead of spending the evening with the boys and to venture into the lions den again.

*******

**Next morning**

The first sunbeams of a eventful day flow through the gap between the heavy curtains and tickle my nose tip, as I awake in the velvety sheets of my bed.

A look at my phone reveals, that I, as often happens the last weeks, didn't sleep for more than three hours.

It's 5.12 a.m., as my feet touch the ground, which soon will be warmed by the california morning sun.

The whole night, my thoughts circled around only one subject. Freddie Mercury.

One or another would say, there's worse than thoughts about one of the best singers and entertainers on this planet.

In my case, there's nothing worse at the very moment. Well, at least he makes me almost forget, what a mess my life really is.

After another sleepless night, I came to the conclusion to leave this place, as soon as possible.

_Congratulations Mr Mercury, you finally get what you want so desperately._

*******

„How do you like your eggs dear?", Phoebe blinks with his warm and friendly smile, that lightens my mood every single time I get to see it.

Freddie and his current, more than tensed mood in mind, I try to refuse his offer.

„You don't have to make my breakfast Phoebe, I can do it on my own."

After his emotional outburst yesterday, I really don't want Mr Rock God to think I'm getting spoiled by his personal assistant.

With this thought, a scrowling Freddie enters the room and sits down at the table right behind me.

Phoebe, who must have recognized my fearful gaze, laying on Freddie, suddenly whispers: „Oh, I see. That's what it's all about."

Deciding to better stay silent, I just roll my eyes at his last statement. 

„Don't be silly dear. First, I do it anyway, so one more to take care off, is totally fine. And second, I would love to do it for you.", Phoebe warmly smiles at me, trying to keep his voice low.

„Scrambled", it escapes my smiling lips. „But I will help you!", I blink at him.

„To many cooks spoil the broth.", a cheeky smirking Phoebe now speaks out a tad to loud.

Recognizing our whispering, finally Freddie enters our conversation.

"Phoebe, keep her away from my food. I don't wanna end up in hospital.", he hisses sarcastically, while his dismissive, almost black eyes, try to burn holes into my head.

„Clear the stage for Devils spawn.", I mutter and can't hold back an annoyed glance towards Phoebe.

Still denying my help, he taps my shoulder. "Sit down there dear. I'll manage this."

So I make my way to the table, where Freddie goes through a newspaper, and sit down across from him. To check his current mood, I let out a soft „Good morning."

Freddie, completely ignoring me, continues reading an article.

As I roll my eyes, he suddenly speaks up, without taking his eyes off of the paper in front of him.

„For how long do we have to endure you today?"

"Way to long I guess.", I deeply sigh, while suddenly Paul enters the room and sits down next to Freddie.

The leech didn't consider it necessary, to welcome the present dwellers and starts to whisper to his BFF.

_Oh good, now the real fun starts._

I take a sip from my coffee, while scrolling through my phone, to bridge this awkward moment.

The two men in front of me still whisper something I can't make out, giggling and laughing every so often.

„Freddie, what is the best way for a photographer to make money?", Paul suddenly asks Freddie, while laying his gaze on me, with a devilish grin on his narrowed lips. His piercing, disingenuous eyes speak volumes.

An already giggling Freddie looks at him questioning.

„Selling the equipment.", Paul bursts out and starts to laugh exaggerated at his own lame joke.

„I don't think she will come far with 2000 pound.", Freddie counters and challenges me, smirking disdainful. His deep brown eyes pierce mine.

"Multiply with ten and you're nearly there.", I grab my cup of coffee and stand up. Walking towards Phoebe, I leave behind a baffled Freddie, with a puzzled look on his perfect Persian face.

„Skip my breakfast, I prefer the company of real man, not these preschoolers here.

This morning really starts as the last day ended and I have a feeling, the real fun didn't even start.

„Viv, you have to eat something.", Phoebe tries to make me stay, putting as much concern in his voice as possible.

"Im fine.", I smile at him, before going on. „I'll get me something on my way to the studio."

Shooting me a knowing look, Phoebe whispers again. „I'm sure Paul will leave in a minute, if it's, what bothers you?"

„Oooookeeeyy", I finally give up, realizing, there's no way to convince this overly caring person.

„Good Girl", a happy Phoebe now smiles brightly and turns his attention back to the steaming pan in front of him.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see a satisfied grinning Paul leaving the room. "I'll see you tonight.", he blurts out loudly.

"What did Mr. Wanker,...ehm Prenter do here? It's 9.00am, shouldn't he sleep off his coke jag?"

Rogers enthusiastic voice suddenly fills the room. He winks at me, while passing bye and shoots Freddie a cheeky grin.

"You should come up with something new, it's getting boring.", Freddie replies randomly. It seems he couldn't get more bored.

"Holy shit Viv, what did you do to our plants?" Roger prances around the room, examining the once fresh and lusty plants and now lifeless and lamentable creatures placed here and there.

I have to suppress a giggle. "What can I say, I have the green thumb."

„You killed them all sweetheart...in just seven days.", an amused Roger theatrically shouts out.

"Uhm...sorry??" In default of a better answer, I apologetically wink at him, with a smile and grab a glass from the cupboard above me.

Pouring some water in, I hear Roger giggle next to me. „Don't apologize to me, apologize to this poor ‚thing' here." With this words he demonstratively lifts up something, what used to be a beautiful pink orchid, looking at it concerned and smashing it into the trash bin, before leaving the room again.

Freddie suddenly stands behind me, as I'm about to sip from my glas. „Someone in this room never should've kids, they wouldn't survive a day."

The full glass drops to the floor with a loud clank. For some seconds I'm paralyzed, trapped in the past, with my head full of memories and feelings, I desperately try to bury deep down, where they wouldn't overcome and wreck me again. unable to make the smallest move, I just stand there, staring at the glittering shards right in front of my bare feet and feeling the spilled water reaching my toes.

„Shit", I find my voice again, as I fall out of this hazy feeling, that clasped me and frantically kneel down to pick up the sharp pieces scattered on the cold gray tiles.

"You're ok dear?", Phoebe appears in front of me, trying to take a look at my lowered face. His uncertain expression reveals, he's seen my already red, watery eyes, but still I avoid to look up again and just nod slightly.

I feel Freddie's presence right behind me, with his long, slim, gloomy shadow hovering over me. „Are you trying to get rid of everything in this house? The dead plants are not enough?", he now jokes happily and seems completely at ease for the first time since I met him.

His euphoric mood doesn't change my unpleasant situation.

With the first tears rolling down my cheeks, I shot Phoebe a pleading look, hoping he somehow can get rid of the one person, I desperately don't want to give the satisfaction, to see me cry.

Phoebe simply nods and looks up at him.

„Freddie, could you leave us alone for a moment?", he asks calmly, his warm, understanding eyes examine the misery in front of him.

„Why should I..." Freddie refuses.

„It's ok, I'm going", I blurt out with a jittery, weak voice, as I realize, he won't do me the favor and just leave the room.

Standing up and passing him, my gaze still is fixed on the wet floor. Hopeful, he won't recognize my tear-stained eyes, I leave him behind and storm out of the room.


End file.
